Forever Faithful, Forever Yours

I've been really thinking hard about the fact that regardless of our faithfulness the Lord stays forever faithful because it's who He has said He is. Really think about that...When I think of that I can't help but just sit in amazement. I think about all our earthly relationships and how so many of them are based on loyalty and performance. Think about the fact that the almighty King of Kings stays forever enthralled by you regardless of where you go or what you do. That thought has been continually haunting my every thought. Does that mean we have a license to just run a muck and make poor decisions? Absolutely not. At least for myself I can say no. Actually I find that thought making me want to pursue His heart more, causes me to fall further and further into Him. To lay down all fleshly desires and just be content in Him. I mean really who is this man? Who is this man that when I am forever failing He is never faltering in anything? All I know is I want to know more. I want to travel to the deepest depths of His heart and if that means letting go of self centered things, that's a small price to pay really... And it's not a forced release, but one of sacrifice. Sacrifice for my beloved.
The best part about this is the fact that it's our choice. It's not an arranged "marriage". He gives us the choice to love Him back because He loved us first. Even putting that into earthly terms is ridiculous. Think about all those people that you pour into that don't want it or take with no regard. Then remember your Father, on a daily basis, gives and gives with no expectation. He loves just because He chooses to. Because it warms His heart and causes Him the greatest joy to no end. How different would our lives be if we walked out that same mindset everyday? That kingdom backed mindset that says my heart is so full of my Father's love that He's willingly and abundantly given me so I am going to lavish it on everyone everywhere I go. Regardless of who they are, how they live, or what they believe. I heard it said it's not about the decision but about the relationship. The aftermath if you will.
All I know is that my Father's love is truth to this heart and to the soft puddy hearts of my great sons. And my heart burns with such a fire to spill that over onto every place I set foot. I've come to the conclusion with the Lord, that the healing I seek is one of the heart. To see captives set free. To have people know who the Lord says they are and in finding that, realizing who the Lord is Himself. To have people know that freedom is at hand. It's theirs for the taking. No longer believing the lies of the past, or that parents or supposed loved ones have told them. To know without a shadow of a doubt that this place is theirs. Their inheritance is one of greatness regardless of occupation or social status. To know that they have the authority to walk into a place and own it because their Father gave them that right. It's our birthright. To walk out in every situation, the freedom they've been given and the Love their Father has lavished on them and bring light and release to all who come into contact with them. To leave lives forever changed for the better, in turn bringing healing to families, cities, states, and soon nations. Kingdom Come

Holy Holy Holy....

The beauty of the Lord's greatness and glory is that we have access to it no matter where we are. No matter what career you have, where your at in your education, etc. The world's idea of greatness is not the Lord's. Thank God! We are able to be in that glory here and now. More importantly He has invited us into that place here and now. So now we just need to step into it. Believe that our destiny is greatness in God no matter what we do or more importantly what we've done. Run with your destiny and never look back! When you step into that freedom, that greatness, that glory you'll never want to go back to anything other then being in His presence and soaking Him in. Completely and utterly captivated

"Your on Fire"

Well where to begin...so much going on in my head and heart. All amazing!!! This summer so far has been phenomenal! Cash just turned 5 and William will be 7 at the end of the month. So amazed at how much they've grown and learning still all about them everyday. They are 2 different forces with different gifts yet they are still the same. That probably doesn't make much sense but in my head it does =) I asked the Lord to show me what the boys would be if they were animals and I saw Cash was an owl and William was a lion. That should just say it all! I love it. One of each. Ever so humbled to have these precious gifts in my life. So grateful and amazed that the Lord gave them to me to lug around for 9 months in my body, and then to spend a lifetime with them! Frick...It doesn't get much better then that.

Learning more about the Lord and about what He says about me. Learning more and more everyday that my identity is found soley in Him and what He says about me is all truth. THe fact that I love music or that I have tattoos isn't who I am. Those are just things I like. I really don't care about anyone elses tattoos or who they get tattooed by and I don't enjoy talking about them. I care about their heart and what drives them in life. I love each and every person for who they are, for their individuality, what's inside them. I could care less how old they are, where they come from, or where they are on the "profile" totem pole. None of that junk matters. All that matters is the person. I love to hear what the Lord has to say about them. I love hearing the outpouring of their hearts. Most of you already know this about me =) Thank you for that.

Today I felt so moved and liberated to be able to stand firm in all He's said about me personally. And stand firm and be free in the gifts He's lovingly given to me. And also feeling forever humbled that my DAD would trust me with these precious gifts. With my sons, His gifts, the people He's placed in my life....He never ceases to amaze me. As my dearest mate would say Who is this man?? I keep coming back to what Eric said the other night about how we are sons and daughters of the Lord...Really soaking in what that entails...Realizing the authority thats been given in that statement...So much to take in. Realizing how perfect His timing is, and how perfect He's made each and every person in this world. He invites us everyday into an intimate relationship and I can say for me that I am SOOOOO jumping in! Longing to be ever so near to Him and His beauty, longing to touch His face. He gives freely so freely receive. He is such a good good Father. So much freedom and it's ours for the taking. He's giving it to us, He's inviting us into it. Because of my Father I no longer have to walk around with shame for the things I've done in the past. I can openly say yes I have done some really terrible things but I have chosen forgiveness. And am no longer bound to those things and I am not going to let myself fall back in that slavery. It's not for me and has no place in my life or family. So thankful for Jesus and am so in love and enthralled by Him....I can't say it enough, I can't feel it enough...

So blessed by Him everyday especially with the people Hes placed in my life. I've been thinking a lot about Jason and Anissa Keller and just thanking the Lord for the time the boys and I got with them. I don't feel the need to go into detail but I can say this they were so influential in the boys lives and hearts. I know that they have moved on for now, not for good, just for now =) and I know that they are destined to do great things wherever they go and to change peoples lives. But I wanted them to know that they changed our lives and they spoke to the Boys hearts significantly. Especially Jason. Thank you Jesus for that and thank you Jason. You both truly are apart of our family in every sense.

I am so thankful for the past year and everything that has occurred. I would never want to be anywhere else but where I'm at right now in this moment. I wouldn't trade anything for this love affair with my beloved, this freedom He's given me, and the family He's blessed me with. Thank you to all the friends that have been so loving and supportive to the boys and I. As this chapter officially closes behind me and we welcome a new one I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for reminding my sons that they are still loved and are still secure even though their family no longer looks the same. And letting them know it's ok. Which it is. Thank you Jesus that it's ok that our family of 4 looks a little different. It doesn't mean theres any less love or that anything should be shaken within my sons. They are still so strong and are still going to be great men!

So much in my heart, So much love....I just want to know more...This journey the Lord has brought me on has and will continue to be the wildest one ever! I am so excited for what is to come and the other places He's going to show us, Myself, William, and Cash. No longer letting anything stand in our way. This is our destiny....Not sure where were going but I know it's up, it's glorious, and it's covered in the Lord's greatness.

Always learning....

So the past week has been a little crazy. Emotionally, schedule wise. I feel like I have these moments of clarity bombarded with a whole bunch of nonsense. Haha! If that makes sense. Today I registered for school at RCC. Just to start my general ed. I plan on majoring in psychology. The Lord revealed to me to that my heart thrives off of helping people. Specifically broken youth. Me having been one myself. It's so wild to really know thats what drives me and fuels my heart! The Lord is so faithful in leading me and opening my eyes to the unseen and/or unoticed. Stepping into my destiny....oh Lord. So amazing. The Lord is pouring out and I am fully recieving!!!
On another note I have been struggling with realizing that sometimes you are just not on the same page as other people. Friends included. Does that mean you cut off those friends? I don't think so. I do however think that if you hurt someone even if it's unintentional it's totally personal and should be treated as such. I mean I understand that not everyone deals with things the same way I do. I also realize you can't throw your heart out there in every relationship or friendship. We are to love with discernment not recklessly. That just causes so much heartache. So I guess me being the lover that I am, I am actively learning how to use better judgement and how much to give in each relationship. I will admit it's extremely hard. I so just want to give it my all but sometimes thats not the best decision. I know my heart is a treasure not to be thrown around. I need to treat it as such. Actually, I've been really hurting the past couple days but I know the Lord is right there with me. Walking side by side with me. Talking to me, tending to my wear and tear and all the while gently explaining what I can take away from this situation. So utterly ruined by Him! And remembering as harsh a reality as it is people are always going to fail me. But the Lord is neverchanging. Always faithful...Always the same. And I am forever grateful for that. So heres to another chapter in this great adventure. Even though theres bumps, hills, and mountains to climb I am still running full speed ahead and loving it!

Moving on

So I have realized today that I am so stoked to be where I'm at today. Regardless of the pain and the hardship I have had to endure, it was all worth it. And I am more then thankful for it. I wouldn't be who I am if these things hadn't happened. I had a little bit of a health scare yesterday. I had a raging migraine that made me physically ill and I ended up at urgent care where they informed me that my blood pressure was sky high and my intestines were inflamed. The Dr. said they think it's from stress. So I have to monitor my blood pressure all this week and write it down to take to my dr appt on monday. The Dr. def layed into me about dealing with my stress and not internalizing it. She reminded me that I am not super woman (as much as I would like to think so) and that I need to take care of myself. It was a slap in the face that this growing and healing process isn't done. I still have much to tackle and I am ready to grab the Lord by the hand and take it head on! I realized I had gotten comfortable where I was and had forgotten that I can't just stop. I always need to keep moving forward. I am a project the Lord sees worth working on (as little ryan told me) and I know I will never be finished until the day I go home to be with my Pops in the heavenly kingdom. But for now it's time to press forward towards that goal which I will obtain. I am a masterpiece forever in progress and I could not be more excited about it! Just because I have things to work on or am flawed doesn't mean theres anything wrong with me. I think that's the beauty of it. We all have things we struggle with and need to work on. But those things are def the things that make us who we are. And I love that! I appreciate it more and more! Everyday there is something new and I thank the Lord that I have His hand to guide me through. I guess what it came down to today was awhile back the Lord grabbed me by the hand and said Let's go were going on a journey. Somewhere along the line I took a break and sat down on the side of the road. The beauty of it is He stopped with me. He never left me even though it was my decision to stop moving. But now I am more then ready to grab my bags and continue on. So I'm off again to see the world in "His eyes" as He promised me. And I can't freaking wait!

On a journey

The Lord grabbed me by the hand and said, "Let's go!" I said ok. I don't care where we go I just wanna go with you. So my bags are packed and I'm ready for this journey....Utterly captivated